G! Whiz: Shot Through the Heart

By Heidi Brander

There are a few key moments in life that define who you are. These key moments affect everything from what you eat to who you trust to how you drive.  The moment that pretty much defined all of my romantic endeavours came while riding the elementary school bus in Grade Two. Joey Turnbull was the cutest guy in my class and I was desperately in love with him. I knew that ours would be a love for the ages, if only I could get up the nerve to ask him out. And that fateful day on the bus, I did.

“Joey, will you be my boyfriend?”

I was in second grade. Clearly I had to put it all out there; I couldn’t ask him out for coffee. And I could barely contain my excitement when he said, “Yes.”

Thrilled and incredulous, I broke out in a giant grin. “Really?”

Joey threw his head back, cackling cruelly. “NOT!”

The entire school bus broke out in laughter. To this day I still don’t know if they were laughing at my misfortune or at his “Not” joke, “Not” jokes being very popular at the time. But that incident set the stage for a lifetime of paralyzing fear of rejection. Joey Turnbull is now a heroin addict (a fate typical of people who peak in elementary school) but the scars he bears from years of heroin abuse can’t compare to the emotional scars I suffered at his hand that day.

(I’m kidding. I assume he’s middle management at a call centre or something. I’m just being dramatic.)

My point is that as human beings, we must do our best to spare the feelings of other human beings; caring for our fellow man is what separates us from the animals, or at least from most jerks. All of my heartache could have been avoided if Joey had known how to let me down easy. Granted, most kids haven’t exactly mastered social graces by Grade Two, but if I could chat with a young Joey Turnbull today, I would have passed along these tips:

TIPS FOR THE REJECTOR:

It’s Not Their Fault: Give them a reason why you’re rejecting them, but make sure it’s one they have no control over. I’m a fan of the good old fashioned, “I think of you as a brother. No, really, you have the exact same Roman profile and endomorphic build as my brother. Plus the same first and middle names as he does. I could never look past it.”

Be Lame, For Their Sake: When someone you don’t like asks you out, make a really lame joke. My personal go-to is “Sorry, but I’ve already got two boyfriends…Ben and Jerry!” It gets the point across, plus once he sees what a loser you are he’ll be instantly glad you said no.

Tell Him/Her You Already Have A Boy/Girlfriend Even If You Don’t: Uncomfortable talking at length about a significant other you just totally made up? You’ve come to the right place! As an experienced boyfriend fabricator, I’ve learned that the trick to making one up on the spot is preparation. You’ll walk the streets with confidence when armed with a repertoire of facts and statistics about your fake boyfriend. Just be cautious; don’t let preparation give way to total delusion. You could wind up projecting fake boyfriend fantasies onto stuffed animals, body pillows, or gay friends.  How do I know this? My boyfriend told me.

Coming up next month, tips for the rejectee.

You can find Heidi and her satirical take on all of life’s important moments each month in G! and online as a contributor for datingguy.com.

By Heidi Brander There are a few key moments in life that define who you are. These key moments affect everything from what you eat to who you trust to how you drive.  The moment that pretty much defined all of my romantic endeavours came while riding the elementary school bus in Grade Two. Joey [...]

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G! Eats: Tea Time

Ellen Egan sips her way through the tea room experience, one pot at a time

For those of you who thought tea parties were reserved for little girls and their plastic, hot pink tea sets or little old ladies in floral hats, think again. Tea has come a long way and is considered the mostly widely consumed beverage in the world after water. Not a bad claim to fame, huh?

It’s just one of those things. Whether you’re catching up with an old friend or meeting someone new for the first time, there’s nothing quite like sharing a good ol’ pot of tea. It has the power to warm the heart and calm the soul after a few mere sips.

Although I’ve enjoyed my fair share of tea in the comfort of my own home or local café, I’ve never gotten gussied up and had a true “tea room” experience. Eager to explore parts of the Island before summer closes its doors on us for another year, my dinner partner and I decided to venture west to check out Miss Daisy’s Victorian Tea Room in Summerside.

Ian and Judy McKenzie opened Miss Daisy’s, named for their beloved dog, just two years ago after dreaming up the idea of owning a tea room and B & B. When Ian discovered this historic home in the seaside town, he thought it was the ideal location to bring his vision to life.

As we entered the quaint and homey dining area, teacups lined the shelves and the décor was unmistakably Victorian.

But it can’t be all about the tea, right? Obviously this jaunt would have to include the main element that I write about month after month: food. Oh, yes. And how delicious it was.

Starting right off the bat with what appeared to be a pair of biscuits, we were quickly advised from our loveable server that these were so much more. Low and behold: Biscuit Scones. We have escaped to Britain, my friends. Combine a warm, buttery inside with a flaky outside and these little fellas pass the taste test with flying colours.

We decided on the Chicken Curry (altered impeccably to suit my vegetarian/heat-seeking companion) for dinner and the night’s special of Seafood Bake (who can resist creamy, cheesy seafood?). Not surprisingly, both were instant hits. Coming paired with garden salads, split fairly evenly between fresh fruit and vegetables, let’s just say there wasn’t much talking after we dove in. The curry, with just about every vegetable you could think of, even made the following workday’s lunch.

As we ended off the evening with fine bone china playing host to steeped tea leaf perfection, the only thing left to melt our hearts was a Black Bottom Cupcake. Just imagine warm chocolate cake with a melted cream cheese and chocolate chip oasis in the centre. It’s even more decadent than it sounds.

No need to rush off to Miss Daisy’s before the season’s end. They are open year-round and will provide the ideal escape when winter comes round the bend once again.

Happy Eating (and tea drinking)!

G! Eats contributor Ellen Egan serves up her take on where Islanders are eating each month in G! and sadly, we don’t get a doggie bag.

Ellen Egan sips her way through the tea room experience, one pot at a time For those of you who thought tea parties were reserved for little girls and their plastic, hot pink tea sets or little old ladies in floral hats, think again. Tea has come a long way and is considered the mostly [...]

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Running Myths: A Two Parter!

The Myth and The Madness

Ryan Cairns, CSEP-CPT, dispels the myths of fitness and sets us straight on the path to looking (and feeling) good

Running Myths:
a) Running on a treadmill puts less stress on the joints than running on pavement
b) Runners don’t have to lift weights because they run

 

 

I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone by making this month’s myth a two parter. I get a lot of runners who come to see me when they’re getting over an injury and need strength training to get them back to pounding the pavement, or runners who just want to put on some lean muscle. Regardless as to why they’re coming through my door, these two misconceptions seem to keep popping up so I’m going to set the record straight.

First, let me just say that running is great! It’s a killer cardiovascular workout that provides endurance activity for leg muscles. Running has easily become an addiction for many people. You know who I mean, those hardcore runners keeping pace regardless of whether it’s a humid 35°C or a nasty blizzard outside. Many people talk about the “runner’s high” that keeps them coming back for more – a neurological reaction that results in a release of endorphins (the feel good chemical) that occurs from long durations of activity. Running, by far, will give you the cheapest (and most legal) high you can get!

Keep in mind that running is an impact activity. Every time your foot hits the ground, there is impact. Although it might feel like there is more give on a treadmill versus pavement, it’s still your body weight bearing down on your joints; there is very little difference in the amount of impact between the two. There is, however, a difference between running on the two surfaces. Running on a treadmill is easier because the belt moves underneath your feet so you aren’t doing as much work as would if you were running outside having to propel yourself. A better running technique can help minimize the amount of stress on the joints. I see a lot of runners with very poor technique, so I advise them to ask someone educated in running to take a look at their form, paying special attention to arm drives, posture and which part of the foot makes contact with the ground.

While running is an excellent form of exercise, runners should also be involved in some form of strength training because it actually helps with their overall performance. Improvements in strength can make it easier to climb hills, fight wind and have faster run times. Runners should strive for two full body workouts per week and two lower body workouts. Choose leg exercises like squat variation, step-ups, lunge variations, dead lifts and calf raises. Upper body exercises that help with good posture include chest flies, seated rows, lat pulls and shrugs. To improve the core, try back extensions, plank variations and rotational exercises.

Tips for saving your joints:

1. Change up your terrain. Don’t always stick to the same route. Try a change of scenery with a run on a wooded boardwalk, an area with steep inclines, or a wooded terrain like the Rails to Trails.
2. Change up your cardio. Try using a rowing machine, swimming, biking or the elliptical to lessen the amount of wear on the joints.
3. Strength training. It can help with the integrity of the joint and muscle imbalances that can lead to shin splints.
4. Stretch! Tight muscles can lead to bad form by pulling your knees to the outside or inside. Stretch calves, hamstrings, IT bands, psoas, and hip flexors.

 

Yours in fitness and wellness,

Ryan Cairns
CSEP-CPT

Ok, so we have to exercise. At least we’ve got a secret weapon in the fight against flab with Ryan Cairns on our side. Go to www.sparkfitnessnow.com for workouts, tips and motivation when all you really feel like doing is getting a burger.

 

The Myth and The Madness Ryan Cairns, CSEP-CPT, dispels the myths of fitness and sets us straight on the path to looking (and feeling) good Running Myths: a) Running on a treadmill puts less stress on the joints than running on pavement b) Runners don’t have to lift weights because they run     I [...]

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